Caregiver Burnout

Discussion in 'Rant Room' started by Jimmy Todd, May 19, 2019.

  1. Jimmy Todd

    Jimmy Todd Soap Chat Active Member

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    My siblings(most of them) and I care for our elderly mother. it is very difficult, and she makes every situation ten times worse than it is. She also complains A LOT, and sees doom around every corner.
    She resents everything we do to have our own lives. Colleagues and friends of mine threw me a surprise 50th birthday party a few years ago. it ended up cutting into me being with her and waiting on her(even though another sibling was there anyway), so she hasn't acknowledged my birthday since. She remembers all my other siblings' birthdays, even the ones who don't help her out at all.
    I try to remember she is am elderly woman with health issues, but sometimes she can be very nasty and difficult so I snap at her and later feel badly about it.
    She lives by herself because she is dead set against going to a nursing home. We try to honor her wishes by paying her rent and groceries, paying for an aide a few days a week, which is all we can afford, and then taking turns visiting her the other days. I live 2 and a half hours away, and she just gets mad when I "run out on her," as she puts it.
    I know I'm not the only person to have this situation, and I have a lot to be thankful for, but today was a particularly rough day. I need to rant.
    Thanks to anyone who read this:)
     
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  2. Jimmy Todd

    Jimmy Todd Soap Chat Active Member

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    Thank you for the hug:hats:
     
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  3. Alexis

    Alexis Soap Chat Champion

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    I work as a carer in a nursing home and I know that elderly people can be difficult and challenging in ways people couldn't even imagine. Sometimes elderly people without dementia can actually be the most challenging. Those of sound mind know what they are doing. A lot of them seem to use guilt as a weapon. I have seen families be tortured by their parents/relatives. We have one lady who has recently come to live at the home I work at and she would break the patience of a saint. Even though her family can not do enough for her, and visit all the time, and practically spoil her. She's always verbally abusive to them, always negative and rude. Apparently resentful of them having a life away from her. This lady is in her late 80s and her children are in their 40s and 50s with kids, and jobs and what not.

    Somewhere along the way these people go beyond their years of wisdom and revert to using very childish behaviour. It's frustrating, but also sad to see. Just know you are doing all you can. And that's all you can do! It's a tough job. You are doing good!
     
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  4. Jimmy Todd

    Jimmy Todd Soap Chat Active Member

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    Thank you, Alexis. I truly appreciate your kind words.
    After going through this experience with my father and now my mother, I have total respect for anyone who works with the elderly. It's not something everyone can do. I know I couldn't. You're tremendous heroes!
     
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  5. Snarky's Ghost

    Snarky's Ghost Soap Chat Oracle

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    It is … extremely difficult.
     
  6. Jimmy Todd

    Jimmy Todd Soap Chat Active Member

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    This forum is very helpful to rant and have some catharsis:)
     
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  7. Sarah

    Sarah Super Moderator Staff Member Original Member Since 1998

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    I hear you. I have spent the best part of 5 years now helping to care for my brother who developed a serious alcohol problem. My own life has been on hold while my mum and I have done our best to help him and get him on the right path. It's been so heartbreakingly hard. And scary. Watching my otherwise lovely, loving brother go from himself to someone unrecognisable and back again. I'm unbelievably tired and disillusioned by it all. My thoughts are with you.
     
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  8. Jimmy Todd

    Jimmy Todd Soap Chat Active Member

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    Thank you, and mine with you. Alcoholism is a horrible disease. Stay strong. God bless.
     
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