SoapLand - The Battle Of The Assistants: The Result

Discussion in 'SoapLand - The Battles' started by Willie Oleson, Jul 16, 2017.

  1. Willie Oleson
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    Willie Oleson drilling for soap

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    This is a general description of all those characters who were there to serve the main characters, one way or another.
    Think of: butlers, secretaries, chauffeurs, lawyers, hitmen, henchmen, private detectives and mustard spreaders.

    I suppose we could do all of them seperately, but I think it should be possible to choose a favourite from every soap.
    For example: I don't recall any significant butlers or chauffeurs on Dallas or The Colbys.

    upload_2017-7-16_23-52-2.png
    Medical staff is excluded since we've already done that.

    Enjoy!
     
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  2. Daniel Avery
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    Daniel Avery Super Moderator Staff Member

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    There were no significant servant characters on The Colbys because Sable kept that mansion immaculate through sheer force of will. If Miles tracked dirt in from the stables, for example, she'd just stare at the dirt on the carpet and yell "OUT!", and it would disappear.

    Anyway, in the "lesser mortals" world...

    1. Peggy, Mack's long-suffering secretary on Knots Landing. It's a shame she never had the chance to go off on him and tell him to make his own damn coffee.

    2. Chao-Li, the glue that held Falcon Crest together (the place, not the show). In a pinch, he could even kick Lance's ass.

    3. Carlos, Greg's trusted (and remarkably discreet) butler on KL. Greg relied on him so much, he planned to leave Carlos the entire ranch in his will.

    4. Jim Westmont, Abby's shady attorney on KL. He was at Abby's side during the Apolune/Wolfbridge/Lotus Point caper, yet managed to make it out alive. No word on what happened to those hideous eyeglasses he wore.

    5. Scott Easton, Abby's attorney/colleague (I still don't quite know what he was "officially") who dreamed up the whole kidnapping of Val's babies simply to "do a favor" for Abby. I don't even think he billed her for the extra hours! And his 'reward'? Getting murdered by Paul G's goons.

    And honorable mention goes to Marsha, Karen's remarkably resilient assistant. She worked for Karen at KL Motors, at Lotus Point, at the TV station, and even at the construction company in the reunion miniseries. I recall her mostly for her single-minded pursuit of ideas/orders for lunch, no matter what the scene or location.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2017
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  3. Victoriafan3

    Victoriafan3 Soap Chat Fan

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    Bobbys secretary Phyllis is a fav of mine. Long standing, she was lovely and no alterior motives. I'll see what others come up with for more inspiration...
     
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  4. Angela Channing
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    Angela Channing Soap Chat Winner

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    1. Chao-Li - the most loyal and devoted assistant anyone could want. He even helped covering up Jason Gioberti's death. FALCON CREST

    2. Lane-Ballou Curtis - Worked for bar-owner Lute-Mae Sanders including singing the occasional song in her bar. FLAMINGO ROAD

    3. Philip Erikson - Angela's attorney whose duties for her went beyond the law. FALCON CREST

    4. Jackie Dugan - Cliff's long suffering secretary who followed Pam from The Store to every job she did until they both settled at Barnes Wentworth. DALLAS

    5. Harry McSween - Corrupt cop who was totally servile to JR and always said yes to doing any despicable task that JR requested. DALLAS
     
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  5. Toni

    Toni Soap Chat TV Fanatic

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    1- Harv Smithfield (Dallas).
    2- Jordan Roberts (Falcon Crest).
    3- Michael Culhane (Dynasty).
    4- Dora Mae (Dallas).
    5- Piggy Peggy (Knots Landing).

    upload_2017-7-18_14-59-33.jpeg

    "Not moi? Who changed the 5th option?!"​
     
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  6. Carrie Fairchild

    Carrie Fairchild Soap Chat Fan

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    Poor Enid! Forgotten by all, despite her Prisoner Cell Block H haircut and memorably hoity voice. I was never quite sure where she was supposed to be from with that accent. She was given sweet FA to do in fairness, her "star turn" being her part in a season two dream sequence.

    Anyway, to the task at hand.

    1: Chao Li in Falcon Crest - the consistently present right hand man, he was there when you needed to push your dead brother off a cliff in a car, talk your daughter down off the roof or announce the arrival of the latest exotic guest star to your doorstep.

    2: Teresa in Dallas - she was pretty silent from what I can recall but she deserves mention for staying part of the pantomime that was the Ewing household for so long, hovering in the background, waiting to help Sue Ellen "move" across the hall after her latest row with JR or unsuccessfully wrestle her away from the cooking wine.

    3: Morgan Hess in Dynasty - an infrequent component in Alexis' early machinations, he was sleaze personified in his gaudy sportscoats

    4: Scott Easton in Knots Landing - for having the ultra initiative to take a seemingly vague comment from Abby and turn it into one of my favourite Knots storylines.

    5: Greg Reardon in Falcon Crest - while Chao Li was Angela's jack of all trades, Greg had a more defined purpose as her lawyer but he was still just another pawn in her labyrinthine treachery.
     
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  7. Ome
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    1. Carlos - (KNOTS LANDING)
    2. Chao Li - (FALCON CREST)
    3. Peggy - (KNOTS LANDING
    4. Jackie Dugan - (DALLAS)
    5. Sly Lovegren - (DALLAS)
     
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  8. Falcon Crest I

    Falcon Crest I Soap Chat Member

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    1 - Chao-Li from Falcon Crest
    2 - Joseph from Dynasty
    3 - Teresa from Dallas
    4 - Pamela from Falcon Crest
    5 - Peggy from Knots Landing
     
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  9. Willie Oleson
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    Willie Oleson drilling for soap

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    These are the characters that I enjoyed the most (although I agree that Chao-Li was the most all-round assistant).

    1. Hoyt Coryell & Luther Dillard (The Yellow Rose)
    upload_2017-7-18_21-7-37.png
    The older cowboys who work on Roy Champion's ranch, and I couldn't possibly list them separately.

    2. Joseph Anders (Dynasty)
    upload_2017-7-18_21-11-18.png
    Blake Carrington's haughty majordomo, who had issues with the two Mrs. Carringtons.

    3. Grace Van Owen-or-not-Van Owen (Dallas)
    upload_2017-7-18_21-22-41.png
    Angelica's sidekick, and there was just something about her.

    4. Sandy Parris (Paper Dolls)
    upload_2017-7-18_21-29-59.png
    Racine's gay secretary, who knows a little about New York's sleazy underground scene.

    5. Mack's horrible secretary "Barbara" (Knots Landing)
    upload_2017-7-18_21-46-33.png
     
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  10. stevew

    stevew Soap Chat Well-Known Member

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    1. Chao-Li (FC): house keeper, driver, security, best friend, surrogate father figure, Angela was the protagonist and Choa-Li was her side kick, Batman and Robin

    2. Ray (Dal): ranch hand turned son, loved the place, the job, the family but never really was more than the help in many ways, an ocassional partner in a business venture, an heir, married above himself, good ole Ray.

    3. Teresa (Dal): I just liked her, idk why, in the background, seemly kind and helpful, not a lap dog but not part of the family, I bet a killer cook

    4. Sly (Dal): does a secretary come any more loyal to their boss

    5. Garth (FC): would have scared the shit out of me - which I think was his primary job requirement.
     
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  11. stevew

    stevew Soap Chat Well-Known Member

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    Honorary mention: Bum (Dal 12)
     
  12. phil colby

    phil colby Soap Chat Member

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    1. Joseph - Dynasty
    2. Michael culhane - Dynasty
    3. Jeanette - Dynasty
    4. Sly - Dallas
    5. Mrs. Gunnerson - Dynasty
     
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  13. James from London

    James from London Soap Chat TV Fanatic

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    1. Bum (New DALLAS) - I've never been a fan of the Soap Land servant overly devoted to his master (late period Chao Li, Carlos on KNOTS) unless he's clearly a weirdo like Joseph on DYNASTY. Bum was the exception that proved the rule - you could believe he genuinely loved JR.

    2. Hoyt & Luther (THE YELLOW ROSE) - Another exception to the rule. I never would have thought of them but for @Willie Oleson, but these two were great. And their dialogue was always so funny and real and not quite like anything else on the show (or Soap Land in general).

    3. Marsha (KNOTS) - the anti-Peggy. Where Mack's gurning secretary was always so sickeningly eager to please, Marsha just chewed gum and didn't really give a shit.

    4. Diana Hunter (FALCON CREST) - the blondest, blankest, soft-porniest assistant of them all.

    5. Harry McSween (DALLAS)/Morgan Hess (DYNASTY) - they were essentially the same person: same profession, same GI haircut, same checked jacket.
     
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  14. cijimccashin

    cijimccashin Soap Chat Member

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    1. Carlos (knots)
    2. Julie grey (Dallas)
    3. Peggy (knots)
    4. Joseph (dynasty)
    5. sly (Dallas)
     
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  15. Mel O'Drama
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    1. Joseph Anders
    Dynasty Majordomo
    [​IMG]
    For his attitude and that wonderful incredulous face (mouth open, lower jaw pushed to one side) that left the recipient in no doubt about his superiority and disgust.





    2. Connie Brasher
    Dallas Secretary
    [​IMG]
    For the mix of amusement and silent derision with which she watched Kristin and JR's scheming. And for being a veggie burger pioneer.





    3. Marsha
    Knots Landing All-Rounder

    For reasons already splendidly outlined by James and Daniel.





    4. Maria
    Knots Landing Housekeeper
    [​IMG]
    For succeeding where Theresa failed. After years of gracious subservience she finally stepped up and wangled her way into one of the Ewings’ storylines. Kind of.





    5. Susan Farragut
    Dynasty Nanny
    [​IMG]
    For her barely-disguised contempt towards her job and her rich employers.
     
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  16. Zach

    Zach Soap Chat Active Member

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    1. Chao-Li (Falcon Crest)
    2. Harry McSween (Dallas)
    3. Sly Lovegren (Dallas)
    4. Pamela Lynch (Falcon Crest)
    5. Joseph Anders (Dynasty)
     
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  17. Willie Oleson
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    Willie Oleson drilling for soap

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    Ms. Farragut also featured in the Doctors thread, I think she was a nurse. But I'm not sure what a baby-nurse does, exactly.
    Well I guess if she doesn't feed the baby it will die, so I'd consider it a life-saving occupation.
    But then again...if Mrs. Gunnerson doesn't feed the Carringtons, they will die too (would have been a great cliffhanger).
    :think:

    This dilemma is way over my head, so I'm going to ask the independent soapchat jury whether your vote is eligible or not.


    [​IMG]

    The vote for Susan Farragut stays.
     
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  18. Mel O'Drama
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    Mel O'Drama Super Moderator Staff Member

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    Oh gosh. Here was I thinking she was a nanny, which is (I imagine) more assistant-y than medical, but I believe you're right. :oops:



    Wouldn't it just? I think Mrs G. had it in her, too.



    Thanks to the SoapChat ISJ for that fair and just decision. I would have happily replaced Susan with a less controversial choice, but as that may only confuse matters further I'll leave her where she is.
     
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  19. Mel O'Drama
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    Mel O'Drama Super Moderator Staff Member

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    I just had to go and peek at that thread. Not because I didn't believe she was there, nor because I didn't believe she was a nurse.

    No - I had to check I hadn't voted for her. Because that would have been really embarrassing. And I wouldn't put it past me.
     
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  20. Willie Oleson
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    Willie Oleson drilling for soap

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    Speaking of embarrassment, I don't remember "Marsha" at all!:bag:
     

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